Every couple is unique, with their own rhythms, quirks, and history. There’s no one-size-fits-all formula for a perfect relationship—but some values are absolutely essential if you want your connection to last. Only you and your partner truly know where your relationship stands, but building something long-term often comes down to a few key shared beliefs.

According to Fran Greene, a relationship coach and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting and Dating Again with Courage and Confidence, having shared values is what gives a relationship its foundation.

“Shared values are the superglue of all relationships,” Greene told Elite Daily. “Think of values as the foundation of your home. Without it, everything else can fall apart.”

Greene emphasizes that while values can be shaped slightly over time, they don’t fundamentally change. “They define who you are. Couples must share similar values, or else they’ll live in constant frustration and disappointment.”

So what are the key values that help build a healthy, lasting relationship? They may be more layered than you’d expect.

1. Trust

It might seem like a given, but trust is the backbone of any solid relationship.

“Trust is to love as air is to breathing — without trust, a relationship will die,” Greene explains.

While trust issues can be worked on, truly happy couples trust each other completely. That means not second-guessing your partner’s actions, motives, or future plans. Trust allows both people to feel safe and secure—even when they’re apart—and encourages independence without insecurity.

If you’re constantly wondering where your partner is or what they’re doing, that lack of trust can quickly erode the connection you share.

2. Commitment

Whether it’s a monogamous relationship or something more open, commitment means being clear and on the same page.

Life coach Nina Rubin says it’s vital for couples to have a mutual understanding of what commitment looks like for them. “Is monogamy important to you both? Or does one partner believe in polyamory while the other doesn’t?” she asks.

These are conversations that need to happen early and honestly. Falling for someone only to find out later that your ideas about exclusivity don’t align can lead to confusion, resentment, or heartbreak.

Shared values around commitment and fidelity are non-negotiable for long-term compatibility.

3. Lifestyle Compatibility

Even if opposites attract, your lifestyles need to match on some level.

Diana Dorell, an intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, asks: “Is one of you a city person while the other dreams of the suburbs or countryside? Does one work 9-to-5 and the other live for entrepreneurial hustle?”

You don’t have to mirror each other’s lives, but you do need to be able to blend them. If one person wants to travel every weekend and the other prefers cozy nights at home, that’s a lifestyle clash that can cause tension.

How you spend your time, money, and energy matters. Shared routines or at least compatible rhythms make daily life smoother—and more fun.

4. Conflict Resolution and Personal Growth

Every couple faces disagreements, but it’s how you handle them that matters.

“Clear communication and a shared desire for personal growth is crucial,” says Dorell. If one of you values emotional expression while the other shuts down during conflict, things can get messy fast.

Ask yourself: Do you want to grow as a person—and is your partner on that same path? Are you both willing to have hard conversations, listen, and change when needed?

If both of you are always the “strong, silent type,” problems may get buried instead of solved. But if at least one of you is emotionally intuitive, that can create space for healing and progress.

5. Shared Vision for the Future

Long-term relationships aren’t just about surviving today—they’re about planning for tomorrow.

“Do you want kids? If so, how do you envision raising them?” Dorell asks. “What role will extended family play in your lives? Are holidays with family a must, or something to avoid?”

Cultural values around family, children, and even career goals can be major points of tension if they’re not discussed openly. If one partner dreams of a big family and the other doesn’t want kids at all, that’s not a small issue—it’s a dealbreaker waiting to happen.

Being aligned about the future helps prevent stress, arguments, and painful surprises down the line.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, every relationship has its own dynamic, and not every couple will prioritize the same values. What’s important is having open conversations, knowing what matters most to you, and checking in regularly to make sure you and your partner are still aligned.

When couples share core values—like trust, commitment, lifestyle compatibility, healthy conflict resolution, and future goals—they give their relationship the best possible chance to not just survive, but thrive.

So whether you’re in a new relationship or celebrating decades together, take time to talk about what really matters. Because love isn’t just about chemistry—it’s about connection built on something deeper.