In November 2022, an anonymous woman shared her relationship dilemma on Reddit’s “Off My Chest” forum. She had been dating her fiancé, Ryan, for six years and engaged for the last eight months. Despite taking the lead on most wedding plans, Ryan occasionally offered input. However, his most recent suggestion shocked her—he didn’t want her to wear a white wedding dress.

Ryan’s unexpected request came up in October after he had discussed their wedding plans with some of his coworkers. He casually suggested that she wear a dress in a color other than white. While puzzled, the woman, referred to as OP (original poster), brushed off his suggestion, assuming it was related to Ryan’s creative nature. She figured it had something to do with aesthetics for the wedding photos or maybe a unique idea he had in mind.

Yet, as the wedding day approached, OP couldn’t shake the uneasiness caused by Ryan’s strange request. Still, she was firm in her desire to wear a traditional white gown and let Ryan know this. Though he seemed annoyed, he dropped the issue—for the time being.

A Heated Dispute Over the Dress Color

As their wedding date grew closer, OP decided to purchase her white dress. This decision sparked an intense argument between her and Ryan. He demanded to see the dress, but she refused, wanting it to remain a surprise for their wedding day.

When Ryan pressed further and learned that the dress was white, his reaction was explosive. According to OP, Ryan believed that brides should only wear white if they were “pure,” implying that she was unworthy of this tradition. This revelation shocked her, as the notion felt outdated and offensive. She had been in a committed relationship with Ryan for years and had only one previous partner—her high school boyfriend of four years. Although their relationship had faced insecurities early on, she thought they had worked through them, only for these old concerns to resurface.

Confused and hurt, OP tried to understand Ryan’s viewpoint. But as their argument escalated, Ryan involved his mother, hoping she would side with him. However, much to his dismay, his mother sided with OP. She even sarcastically suggested that Ryan, since he was also not a virgin, should wear red to the wedding, which only fueled his frustration. Despite his mother’s disapproval, Ryan remained adamant that OP wearing white would deceive their wedding guests, and he believed the standards for men and women should differ.

Reconsidering the Future

OP was left feeling disgusted by Ryan’s actions and beliefs. His fixation on her past, particularly her loss of virginity at 18—long before they even met—caused her to reconsider their relationship. This was especially perplexing given that Ryan was not particularly religious, making his obsession with this idea even more confusing. His extreme reaction made OP question whether she still wanted to marry him.

By the end of the Reddit post, OP revealed that she had broken off the engagement. She admitted that Ryan’s behavior had shattered her faith in their future together, and she couldn’t imagine moving forward with someone who held such outdated and hurtful beliefs.

Moving Forward After the Breakup

After ending the engagement, OP shared an update in the “Dating Advice” forum later in November 2022. She was about to embark on her first date in six years, feeling nervous and unsure of how to dress. Ironically, many commenters suggested she wear red to her date, a symbol of the controversy that had led to her breakup.

Looking back on her story, OP seemed to feel a sense of relief that she had chosen to stand by her values rather than conform to Ryan’s unreasonable expectations. While she still faced uncertainty in her dating life, she was hopeful that her decision to end the relationship would lead her to someone who respected her choices and didn’t hold onto antiquated views about “purity.”