I’ve always been the level-headed one in my marriage, keeping things calm while Jake, my husband, gets swept up in whatever latest obsession catches his eye. Whether it’s a new hobby or some random life hack he finds on YouTube, Jake’s enthusiasm knows no bounds. But everything was fine—until Jake met Steve.

Steve is the type of guy who thinks being loud means being right. He’s constantly single (no surprise there) yet seems to have a never-ending supply of advice for his married coworkers, including Jake. And as much as Jake should have known better, he got completely hooked on Steve’s confidence.

I didn’t think much of it at first. But then Jake started making some offhand comments, like, “Steve says relationships work best when the wife manages the household,” or “Steve thinks women should always look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”

I’d roll my eyes and fire back with a sarcastic remark, but it started to grate on me. Jake’s attitude was changing. If I picked up takeout instead of cooking, I’d catch him raising an eyebrow. If laundry piled up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job, he’d sigh in disappointment.

Then one night, things took a turn. Jake came home, sat me down at the kitchen table, and pulled out The List.

“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his tone patronizing in a way I had never heard before. “You’re an amazing wife, Lisa. But… there’s room for improvement.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”

Jake nodded, completely oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve made me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a little.”

He handed me the piece of paper. At the top, in bold letters, it read, “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.”

I stared in disbelief. My husband had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve—this single guy with zero marital experience—thought I needed to do to “improve” as a wife.

The schedule was ridiculous. I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast, then hit the gym to “stay in shape.” After that, the list of chores went on: cleaning, laundry, ironing—all before heading to my full-time job. Every evening, I was expected to cook a homemade meal and prepare snacks for Jake and his friends who regularly came over to hang out.

It was so offensive on so many levels that I didn’t even know where to start. I just sat there, staring at my husband, wondering if he had lost his mind.

“This will be great for us,” Jake continued, completely unaware of what he was doing. “Steve says structure is important, and I think this will really help you.”

I could’ve thrown the list in his face and asked if he had a death wish. But instead, I surprised myself—I smiled.

“You know what, Jake? You’re right. I’m so glad you made this schedule for me,” I said sweetly. “I’ll start tomorrow.”

The relief on his face was almost laughable. He had no idea what was coming.

The next morning, as I looked over the absurd schedule, I realized that if Jake thought I needed a plan to “become a better wife,” then it was only fair that he had one to become the “perfect husband.”

I pulled out my laptop and titled a new document, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” I started with everything he had proposed for me, then added a few upgrades. After all, perfection has a price.

First up was the gym membership Jake was so excited about. “$1,200 for a personal trainer,” I typed, stifling a laugh.

Then came the gourmet meals. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything wasn’t cheap. “$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote, along with a note that Jake might need to take a cooking class. After all, I couldn’t be the only one slaving away in the kitchen.

Finally, I addressed the elephant in the room: my job. There was no way I could juggle my career and this absurd list. If Jake wanted me to follow this routine, he’d have to cover the loss of my salary. I did some quick math and added it to the list: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s income.”

Oh, and since Jake liked to have his friends over so much, they’d need a designated space. “$50,000 for a man cave so Jake’s buddies don’t disrupt Lisa’s new schedule.”

By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. I printed it out, placed it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited.

When Jake came home that evening, he was in a great mood. “Hey, babe,” he called out as he dropped his keys on the counter. His eyes immediately landed on the paper.

“What’s this?” he asked.

I kept my face neutral. “Oh, it’s just a little list I made for you—so you can be the best husband ever.”

Jake chuckled, thinking it was a joke. But as he read through the list, the smile quickly faded. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”

I shrugged. “Well, you want me to follow your schedule, right? I figured we should budget for it.”

His face went pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 per year? You’re quitting your job?”

“How else can I keep up with your plan, Jake? I can’t work and be a perfect wife, can I?”

Reality hit him like a ton of bricks. “I… I didn’t mean…” he stammered, wide-eyed. “Lisa, I didn’t want this to be like… I thought…”

“What did you think, Jake?” I asked calmly. “That I’m a project you can ‘improve’? Marriage is about respect, not checklists. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me again, you’ll be paying a lot more than what’s on that paper.”

The room fell silent. Jake’s face softened as he realized just how badly he had messed up.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t realize how toxic this was. Steve made it sound reasonable, but now I see how ridiculous it is.”

I nodded. “Exactly. Steve’s advice isn’t exactly relationship gold, is it?”

Jake sighed, running a hand over his face. “I got carried away, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did. But we’ll be fine—just as long as we tear up that list and go back to being equals.”

He grinned sheepishly. “Yeah… let’s do that.”

We tore up the list together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were on the same page again.

This experience was a good reminder that marriage isn’t about one person trying to “fix” the other. It’s about working together as equals, respecting each other, and growing together.